Hold On Hope
by Jez1
Summary: He had to know the truth. He had to know if the woman he loved more than life itself wanted to leave him. MerDer, post S3 finale.


SEASON/SEQUAL: Post-ep for S3 finale

SPOILERS: 'Didn't We Almost Have it All'

SUMMARY: He had to know the truth. He had to know if the woman he loved more than life itself wanted to leave him.

DISCLAIMER: All publicly recognizable characters and places are the property of the ABC and Shonda Rhimes. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes and no infringement on copyrights or trademarks was intended. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. The title "Hold On Hope" is a song by Guided by Voices and is used without permission.

AUTHORS NOTES: This is just a little vignette I wrote to make myself feel better after the finale.

FEEDBACK: Yes Please! I love to know what you think.

Copyright © Jez, May 2007.

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Derek stepped off the elevator and took a deep breath. He wasn't sure if this was such a good idea, but he'd told Burke he'd check on Christina and, truth be told, he wanted to check on Meredith as well. He knew he was probably wasting his time, but she'd looked so defeated as she'd told everyone to go home. He had a feeling she'd been talking about them as well, when she'd said it was over. He had to know the truth. He had to know if the woman he loved more than life itself wanted to leave him. 

His hand was shaking as he knocked on the door and he couldn't ever remember a time when he'd been so nervous. He heard shuffling and then the door opened and Meredith stood there, still dressed in her bridesmaid's dress. "Derek?"

He shifted from one foot to another. "I heard from Burke," he told her. "He wanted me to check on Christina."

She opened the door further and he stepped into the apartment. "I finally got her to go to sleep about ten minutes ago," she told him. "Did he say anything?"

He shook his head. "Not much. Just that he needed some time to think and he was sorry for hurting her."

She shook her head, snorting a little. "She cried, Derek. I've never seen her so... She was ready for this. She didn't want all the glitz and glamour, but she was ready to be his wife."

He reached out and touched her arm. "I brought you some clothes. I figured you'd want to stay here."

She looked at him, opened her mouth and then burst into tears. He relished the feel of her as she launched herself into his arms. When was the last time she'd been upset and wanted his comfort? He felt like an ass for having wanted this, but that didn't stop him from wrapping his arms around her and pulling her to him.

"I want to believe in us, Derek. I want to. I thought if they could make it, then we could." She hugged him tight. "I've never known anyone who's made it. I want happily ever after, but I've never known anyone who's achieved it."

Like a light being switched on, he suddenly understood. She hadn't been rejecting him when she hadn't answered him earlier. She'd wanted to get her friend down the isle in an attempt to assure herself that people could win and live happily ever after. "Maybe happily ever after is the wrong way to go," he murmured. He felt her tense in his arms and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "We're not going to be happy all the time. Things are going to happen, we're going to fight. It would be crazy to think otherwise."

"You didn't show up," she whispered.

He frowned and pulled back a little to look at her face. "What?"

"You told me if we fought, you'd always show up. When you told me..." she trailed off, swallowing. "When you told me you didn't want to breathe for me anymore and I left, you didn't show up. You were so distant and then the thing with Susan and I was just trying to breathe on my own, so you wouldn't have to."

Derek felt as if he'd been punched in the gut. He'd been trying to get her to understand how scared he'd been when she'd stopped swimming. He should have made the connection, should have realized that she wouldn't have understood. "Mer--"

She shook her head. "I don't know how to do this, Derek. Whenever I feel like I have a handle on it, something happens and I just..." She shook her head. "I don't want to leave you, but I don't want to keep dragging you into this pit of despair I keep finding myself in."

"But I want to be there," he insisted, trying to make her understand. "I want to be there to drag you back up. To hold you and love you and help make it right." He shook his head. "But I can't breathe for you, Mer. If you stopped again, I think I would as well." He took her face in his hands. "All you have to do is breathe. Breathe and let me in." He could feel the sting of tears in his eyes. "And love me."

A tear tracked down her face and he wiped it away with the pad of his thumb. "Last time I told you I loved you, you left me," she whispered.

He felt his heart constrict at the pain in her voice. "Tell me again. Tell me again and watch me stay."

Her lip quivered ever so slightly and tears continued to pool in her eyes. "I love you, Derek," she whispered. "I love you so much, it scares me."

"We're gonna be okay," he promised her. Then he kissed her. The spark made his spine tingle and he felt like he couldn't get enough of her.

"Meredith? Meredith!"

The frantic call from the bedroom had Meredith tearing herself away from him and racing into the other room. "I'm here, it's okay," he heard her soothe, as she pushed the door closed.

Derek knew he should leave, that Meredith needed to be there for her friend and he would just be in the way, but he couldn't get himself to open the door. Instead, he picked up the forgotten overnight bag and walked over to the sofa. He couldn't just leave after the talk they'd had.

When she hadn't returned twenty minutes later, he ventured uncertainly into the bedroom. They were both sound asleep, wrapped up together in a cocoon of misery. Derek could see tear tracks on both women's faces. Christina was curled up under the covers, but Meredith was on top of the blankets, still in dress and shoes. He went back out into the other room and retrieved her bag. He was careful not to disturb them as he removed her shoes, but Meredith stirred nonetheless.

"Derek?" she murmured.

"Shh," he replied, placing the shoes on the floor. "Just trying to get you a little more comfortable."

She untangled herself from Christina and he helped her change out of her dress. She was still half asleep and it made her compliant, almost to the point where it worried him. She slid under the covers and he tucked both women in, pausing to run a hand through Meredith's hair. "I'm gonna go. I'll see you tomorrow." He hesitated, but then continued. "Call me if you need anything."

She nodded sleepily, her eyes already closed. He turned to leave, but her soft voice called him back. "Don't ever leave me at the altar," she told him.

His heart soared. "I promise I won't," he assured her.

Her lips twitched into a smile and she turned to hug her friend once more. Derek left them to sleep, quietly letting himself out of the apartment and thinking that maybe, just maybe, things were finally going to turn out okay.

THE END


End file.
